Friday, June 17, 2011


It's Nick's first Father's Day.

I wish I could do something really spectacular for him. Give him anything and everything his little heart desires. He deserves so much.

I've been wanting to write about Nick's journey into fatherhood for a while now. I always knew he'd be a great dad. He's kind, sensitive and has an endless amount of energy and an unquenchable lust for life.

Last Valentine's Day, when I came out the bathroom to tell Nick I was pregnant he was standing unloading the dish washer. I said; "I'm pregnant." He said "Cool." and then proceeded to continue with his unloading. It was a strange reaction. But, Nick is a strange guy after all.

Not soon after that, he began to transform. He read books such as "My Boys Can Swim" and spent hours looking up all things pregnancy on the internet. He went to every appointment. He went to every class. He tested strollers in the Babies R' Us. Testing their handling and cornering in case he was ever in a high speed chase on foot....with a baby. He used to sing to me; "We're having a baby. A tropical baby" Before we knew Charlie was a boy I used to ask him if he wanted a boy or a girl. He always said "I don't care." Then, on the way to find out the sex, he said "You know, I think I want a boy." The joy and awe on his face when the ultrasound technician said "I think it's a very proud little boy" were incredible.

Then came the preparations. Nick sprang into action. Getting only the safest (read: most expensive) paint and spending the days putting together swings and bouncy seats.

When all the clothes were folded, and the paint was dry, we waited. Then Charlie came and they placed him into Nick's arms and he has never let him go.

I'm not afraid to admit that he took to fatherhood much faster and much more smoothly than I took to motherhood. For him, the bond was instantaneous. I knew our son was safe in his arms. That he would move heaven and earth to protect us both.

I didn't change a single diaper until Charlie was two weeks old.

They quickly became best friends. Nick researched all the ways to calm a newborn and could stop Charlie's frantic little cries in mere seconds. If swaddling newborns were an Olympic sport, he would have taken the gold.

He has patience that knows no bounds. He remains calm always. In those hazy, exhausting, confusing early days he got up with us every night. Brought me cold water and animal crackers during our countless 3 a.m. nursing sessions.

Now we've settled into a nice little routine. He's taken over a lot of the feeding since I no longer nurse. He plays many games of airplane with sweet potatoes and butternut squash puree. Bath time is "No Girls Allowed." He's still changing most of the diapers.

Charlie is 8 months old now. He thinks that his father is the funniest, most fascinating person that ever lived. Sometimes just the mere sight of him sends him into fits of tinkling baby giggles. He doesn't laugh like that for me. That's ok though. I'm happy they have something that special. It's like their own little boy's club.

Nick, each day you astonish me. Your love for me is unending and you make such efforts so that I know it. I am so grateful and lucky that Charlie and I have you. He's such a lucky boy. It makes me happy and calm to know that you will always support him and care for him and look out for him. Everything you've done...every decision you've made for him has been the right thing. I love watching you with him. It fills me with such joy and fulfillment. I look forward to watching you teach him how to walk, ride a bike, drive, tie a tie. I cannot wait to hear the advice you give him on his wedding day. He is a lucky boy. I am a lucky woman. The world is a lucky place...because you're in it.

Happy Father's Day, my love.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Cutting with QWERTY

I have a confession. I spent a gross amount of time on the internet. Namely Facebook and a parenting message board called TheBump (stupid, STUPID, name). It's shameful and I am in dire need of a few days "unplugged".

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the people (personas) I encounter on these sites.

First, let's take a look at TheBump. This board if chock full of SAHM's (stay-at-home-mom's) with seemingly nothing better to do than judge, criticize and wish harm upon their fellow mothers. I often wonder what their children are doing while they are doling out their sentences of colic, diaper rash and acid reflux. I rarely post. When I do, it's about actual baby stuff. What diapers are best, the best way to steam chicken....and whatnot. Because of that I am often greeted by "who the hell are you?" replies and labeled a LURKER. I hate that term. Lurker. Sounds an awful lot like PERVERT or PEDOPHILE to me. These women say things to each other online that I'm sure they would never even dream of saying in person. I once observed a fight between two moms where one said that she should have either put her child up for adoption or have had an abortion. The other mother responded that she deserved the painful infertility she was burdened with and that she should go DIAF. DIAF is a popular term on TheBump. It means......wait for it.....DIE IN A FIRE. Seriously! Women are telling other women, whom they've never met, to go die in a fire! Each week they have UO Fridays. UO stands for Unpopular Opinion. It's a thread where they post controversial things (that have nothing to do with babies) in order to start an internet riot. These ladies need a hobby!

A hobby. Like...Facebook.

Ah. Good ol' Facebook. Now FB isn't all bad. It has helped me to reconnect with some very important people. Like, my high school mentors. Or college friends from far away. It even lets me keep in touch with my friends Donna and Pete in Sydney. However, FB has it's own set of cliques, idiosyncrasies, mean girls, narcissism, bullies and snobs.

I've always been interested in anthropology. I've always been very observant. A trait that I think my son has inherited. He's often content to just sit in his stroller or on my lap and I've used my keen observation skills on facebook.

I digress. Over the years that I've been a member of facebook. A few different kinds of people jump out at me. (Disclaimer: this is about no one in particular - or is it?)

The constant complainer: Their life sucks. It sucks worse than yours. Feel bad for them.

The Queens/Kings of Passive Agressiva: they post ambiguous status updates in response to another update they disagree with. Or they are angry with a specific person and post a thinly veiled update about the person without ever identifying them.

The Braggart: "I'm on a fabulous vacation! Look at my pictures! Be jealous" Honestly, I doubt your vacation is that fabulous or else you wouldn't have your nose buried in your smartphone. These people often post pictures of their boobs/pecs/clothes etc. I once saw a girl who had an entire photo album entitled "White Bikini". The entire album was dedicated to shots of her in said white bikini.

The Fabricator: This person just loves Photoshop. Their photos are all pouty-lipped closeups that don't actually show what they really look like. I almost always think their status updates are lies. They want you to believe that their life is so perfect and they are so popular/cool/trendy/beautiful. These people often have 300+ friends. Many of them are from their high school days.

The Over-Share-er: I'm going to the grocery store. Then to the gym. Then to get these warts removed from my crotchal area. Then I'm going to sit and pick my nose for 6 minutes and then I'm going to meet Susie at the bar for happy hour.

The Academic/Armchair Politician: These people post controversial content in order to incite FB fights. I can't stand these people. They are

The Private Jokesters: I am a member of this clique and we did/said this fabulous thing that you aren't a part of. You should envy me. This happens a lot with the theater people that makeup most of my friends list.

I admit it. I've been guilty of a few of these. Nothing is sacred these days. We are always plugged in, switched on, connected. It's good and bad. I really think I would go into cardiac arrest if I didn't have facebook. Yes, I've searched for every single one of my ex-boyfriends and check my ex-best friend's page daily to see if she put any new pictures up.